his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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