this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
