You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
