went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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