does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
