if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
