areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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