allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
