I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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