Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
