capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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