I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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