I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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