This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
