I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dick very happy bro
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
