then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
