Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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