I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
