my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
