Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
