I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
