if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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