i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
