You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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