i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am midnight drunk by noon
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
