It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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