You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
