I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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