Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
