the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
