You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize