My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
