Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
