I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
