Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
