Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
