nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Someone signed my nipple.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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