From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
