I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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