Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
