Do you still have your period?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
