Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
