at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
