Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
