ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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