Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
do herpes really smell.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
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I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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