we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
