census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
