I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
