Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
