Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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