i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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