She said her name was "party"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
