Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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