This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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