Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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