pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
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Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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