and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
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my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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