i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
