ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
