dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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