Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
