y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and she was petting her beer can
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
