i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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