i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
